Omituisimmat riidat vauvan isän kanssa

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Juliaihminen

Vauvan nukuttaminen

"Sä vedit vessan noin äänekkäästi ihan tahallas! Etkö sä tajua, että meillä on lapsi!"

"Ihan tahallas aivastit noin äänekkäästi."

"No nyt se heräs tähän mun huutoon. Sun vikas!"

 

Ilmeisesti-vaihe

"Ilmeisesti sua ei kiinnostele tää perhe-elämä." (Tiki tekee töitä.)

"Ilmeisesti sun menot on aina tärkeämpiä kuin mun." (Tiki haluaa käydä uimassa töiden jälkeen.)

"Ilmeisesti sun elämä ei sitten ole muuttunut yhtään lapsen tulon myötä." (Tiki käy ystävänsä synttäreillä.)

"Ilmeisesti sä et halua, että mä olen onnellinen." (Tiki on unohtanut laittaa uuden wc-paperirullan telineeseen.)

"Ilmeisesti mä voisin olla yhtä hyvin yksinhuoltaja." (Tiki tulee töistä.)

"Ilmeisesti mää saa koskaan mitään kivaa?!" (Myöhästyin joogasta, koska olin kahvitellut kaverin kanssa liian pitään.)

"Ilmeisesti mä en ansaitse saada käydä edes vessassa rauhassa!" (Kyllähän nyt pissalla käyminen täytyy ansaita.)

 

Vauvan ruokailu

"Ai se ei syö muka enempää? Annoitko sä sen huljutella käsiään lasissa samalla kun syötit sitä? Ai mikset?! Anna se lasi sille huljuteltavaksi!" (Lisää toimivia vauvansyöttämiskeinoja täällä.)

 

Romantiikka

"Ai että mä saan valita illallispaikan? Oikein saan! Mun elämä on yhtä ravintoloiden valitsemista ja ehdottelemista, kun syön joka päivä lounaan ulkona. Eikö edes mun synttäreinä joku muu voisi valita, missä syödään!" (Onneksi Tiki sitten lopulta valitsi paikan.)

"Mä haluun katsoa vikan jakson Sorjosta! Et nyt mene nukkumaan. Et mene! Mä olen koko illan nukuttanut tot vauvaa, ei se vain nukahtanut aiemmin. Jos sä nyt meet nukkumaan, sä pilaat mun elämän!" (Vanha klassinen elämänpilaamiskortti on kaivettu naftaliinista 15 vuoden takaa.)

"Ihan tahallas lämmitit tän kahvin näin kuumaksi!" (Tikillä on tapana tuoda mulle aamuisin kahvi sänkyyn. Otan sen itsestäänselvyytenä.)

 

Haluan vielä muistuttaa, että meillä:

Vauvavuotena ei erota

 

Kuva: Kerran käydessäni vessassa mun tietokoneen näytölle oli ilmaantunut tällainen teksti. Mistä lie siihen tupsahtanut?

 

 

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Vierailija (Ei varmistettu)

Huutonaurua. Allekirjoitan kaiken myös omalta kohdaltani, valitettavasti.

Kissankieli
Hello Dolly!

Nämä kuulostavat niin tutulta... Mutta hei, viimeistään kymmenen vuoden päästä helpottaa ;D

Juliaihminen
Juliaihminen

Toivottavasti! Ellei taantumus ole levittäytynyt aivoihin pysyväksi tilaksi :D

piupali (Ei varmistettu)

Apua! Nyt mun poskia kuumottaa ja samalla vähä hätääntyneesti hihitän. Mä olen toi. Toi illallispaikan valinta... Oh. Oltiin menossa mun synttäreillä lounaalle yhdessä (whoo, lapset kato päiväkodissa ni ei tarvi lastenhoitajaa!). Mies siis sanoi, että vie mut lounaalle. JA SITTEN SE KYSYI ETTÄ MIHIN MÄ HALUAN. Eikä heti ymmärtänyt, etten todella halua päättää. Että ei sitten menty. Apua. No mies sitten haki leipomosta leivokset kotiin ja oli ihan kivaa.

Juliaihminen
Juliaihminen

Hahahah, ihan legitiimi syy alkaa riehumaan mun mielestäni :D

Mut ihana että sun miekkeli haki leivokset! Mekin sitten päädyttiin sushille lopulta

Jeba
Tuuliajolla

:D Repesin! Tunnistin tekstistä itseäni. Vähän. Ihan siis vähän vaan.

Ps. Ketä mä huijaan?

äitiyskoe
Äitiyskoe

Hei mutta siis mä voin ottaa tän silleen lohdutuksena että lapsen hankkimisessa yksin ON hyviä puolia. Ainakin se, ettei ole puolisoa jonka varjolla voi itse ryhtyä ääliöksi. Koska, noh, en voi väittää etten olisi koskaan ollut just tollanen parisuhteessa.

Juliaihminen
Juliaihminen

Mä oon ihan vakavissani miettinyt (ja keskustellut single mom -kavereideni kanssa) tästä, että yksin lapsen hankkiminen on tästä vinkkelistä aivan todella hyvä asia. Ei todella ole kiveen kirjoitettu, että parisuhde olisi paras paikka syntyä lapselle! 

äitiyskoe
Äitiyskoe

Olipas ihanasti sanottu. Kiitos!

Ja ainakin ehdottomasti niin, että uskon yksin olevani parempi äiti kuin huonossa suhteessa olisin (mistä nyt toki tässä alkuperäisessä jutussa ei yhtään ollut kyse).

pöpelikössä
Pöpelikössä

Ai saakeli, hajosin vessapaperirullalle! :'D

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