Being a bad parent before even having a baby

I have several times been (in)directly told to be a bad parent even if we haven’t had the baby yet. These comments might be more or less well meant, but non the less hurtfull.

We are asked a lot about how we will share the parental leaves and we have openly said I will use the four first months (30 days before expected birth and 75 days after) and my wife will take over after that. This means the baby will probably be about 10-14 weeks when I return to work. The comments we get about this are like ”how can you leave your baby?” And ”you will feel different and want to stay home longer when its born” and so on.

I am alwayd wondering if they are insulting me as a parent or my wife. I mean I see us as equally good parents, and me returning to work is not because I don’t want to be with the baby. I just want us both to be with the baby, since we are both very much looking forward to become parents. 

So i am not sure if they are saying I am a crap parent not wanting to take care of our baby, or saying my wife is a crap parent not being able to take care of the baby as well as I am. Eather way I think both ways are equally mean.

Sometimes I get really upset or angry, sometimes I realize there is no use to react. A lot of times I later understand these comments are coming from parents disappointed in their partners (husbands) not wanting to take part in their childrens lives, not even using the few weeks of paternity leave. In a way I just feel sad for these famililies and happy that I know our baby will be born into a family where to parents are waiting just as eagerly to have a new member and take care and love this newbie.