Altenative small talk

 

‘Hello how are you?’

‘Not bad. You?’

‘I’m good. Managed to finally poo this morning after being constipated for 3 days’

 

‘Morning. The weather doesn’t look good today’

‘I don’t care nor I have ever cared about the fucking weather’

 

‘Hello, how is it going?’

‘I woke up and realised the only time I feel is happy is on Saturday night after 3 pints’

 

’Hello you ok today?’

’Not really. I realised I did not want this life’

 

Sweet dreams kids