The Story behind story

Hello! And really nice that you are here. I wondered how to start this very first post. What would be clear and somehow coherent first post? Well, firstly I need to point out the word ’past’ in the right sidebar. I have suffered from anorexia but I’m still improving my mental health state. So I’m not ’done and dusted’ with anorexia but obviously, I’m standing on the better place right now.

What is the story behind anorexia? Here are little bits and pieces from my history; I have been a really active person since I was a little girl. I have always admired skinny bodies and I personally have always been lean and slender. When I became a teenager, you know things get complicated, and some personality traits deepen. So, I, as a perfectionist, simply wanted to be even skinnier. Even if I already was. Suddenly I got my own ’motivation image’ in my mind. It just appeared there and that provoked me to eat less, stand instead of sitting, get more and more active, getting panic attacks and finally avoiding social situations. At some point, I had suicidal thoughts as well.

Since a child, I have always been interested in healthy lifestyle and making the healthiest choices. That was kind of the saviour for my anorexia because being very healthy was natural to me. But of course, at some point, some people were able to see ’my healthy lifestyle’ going way too far. Anorexia had taken my life and I lived for it. I lost some of my closest friends, joy for living and sparkle in my eyes. I couldn’t sleep and I felt really anxious. Life slipped out of my hands.

This continued couple of years, I went to high school and completely burned out. Then, after half a year of rest and home days, I simply wanted to get out of the tunnel. Surprisingly I found my inner power and really started to feel happy. It was the first time after childhood. Then I got in a short relationship. After few weeks we broke and then I was at the bottom again. But in a different way than I was with anorexia. 

The breaking out situation kind of forced me to seek the light. The daylight. I listened to my weak inner voice which spoke me for the first time after childhood. I got a reminder of who I am. And then I built a puzzle of who I wanted to be. This milestone officially started my recovery from eating disorder.

So this blog is going to be a place to share stories and experiences with anorexia or other mental disorders. This is a place for understanding, supporting and getting better. Improving as a human being. I hope some of you find comfort in these words because it was one of my reasons to start this whole blog. 

I hope you have a nice and peaceful day. And please, do not hesitate to leave a comment. See you soon. <3