and i hope you find your freedom – for eternity

At almost ninety years of age they lived in the past moments.

I sat beside these two amazing people and leafed through old black and white photos of the first ever made summer trips, people I had never known and places I had never been. Sometimes either of them cried cheerfully “That was our first portable radio!” or “It was the year when we bought that car!”, things like that.

And then there’s a picture of me. The odd sensation of seeing a human being, not truly recognizing it as yourself. ‘Cause you can’t possibly remember those early years of your life.

And still – it’s you. With the straight bangs you hated, round and red cheeks, big blue eyes.

In this moment I can feel the eternity of human life. We’ve all been babies, children, teens, adults. And we’re all gonna be middle-aged, old and in the end die.

At that sudden moment I wish I could just stop the time, have all my loved ones beside me my whole life, stick to them and just love.

But we don’t have the time. There are only seconds, minutes, hours, days and years. This short-term eternity that has crossed my mind is already passing, the clock is ticking, tick tock.

But still I DON’T KNOW.

I don’t know what I’ll do with my life! I don’t know if I even want to read the book lying on my table / travel around the world / have beautiful children / work as a journalist / be “a normal, reasonable person” / have ombre hair / have bubble gum pink hair / billions of other stuff. I JUST DON’T KNOW.

But my anxiety soon vanishes as I look into their eyes and see that they’ve lived. They’ve truly lived, a beautiful, meaningful life with lots of laughter, tears and love.

And at that moment I know I’ll do the same.

xo Hanna