Rohkeita sanoja pelosta
Juuri pelosta postatessani ja teemaa omakohtaisesti käsiteltyäni satun samaan aikaan lukemaan Life of Pi’tä. Eteeni aukesi kappale, jossa Yann Martel kuvailee ilmiömäisellä kirjallisuuden lahjallaan pelkoa paremmin kuin koskaan itse kykenisin. Sitä uskomatonta valtaa, jota pelko käyttää saaden koko kehomme toimimaan päinvaistaisesti kuin sen hienonhienot toiminnot on tarkoitettu toimivan.
Pelon anatomiaa ymmärtäen on kuitenkin helpompi myös suhtautua pelkoon objektiivisesti. Siksi uskon, että nämä sanat luettuamme kuka tahansa meistä voi olla hiukan rohkeampi kohtaamaan pelon, joka niin hassua kuin se onkin, koostuu 99 %:sti omista ajatuksistamme.
Chapter 56
”I must say a word about fear.
It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. —
It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you feel calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle with you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid down. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.
Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum. — Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees start shaking as though they were dancing. — Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.
Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss all your latest allies: hope and trust. There, you’ve defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you. The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene; it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear comes becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”
Amen, sanon minä. Näytetään sitä valoa päin pelon näköä <3
