liian kaunis tarina

Ärsyttää oma luonne. Ärsyttää, että välitän näin paljon siitä, mitä mieltä muut musta ovat. Ärsyttää oma herkkyys ja se, että pidättelen näinkin tyhmän asian takia itkua. Jälleen kerran yllätyn, kuinka paljon katkeruutta ja inhoa jollakin voi olla tarinaani kohtaan.

Eräs tuttuni sanoi, että tarinani on liian kaunis. Ettei kukaan oikeasti halua lukea mitään näin positiivista. Kuulemma hieron tätä ihanaa elämääni muiden naamaan, tyyliin ”in your face, bitches”. Tämä menee varmaan viinan piikkiin, mutta en kuitenkaan voi ymmärtää… Kun kysyin, olisiko ollut parempi jos olisin kuollut syöpään, niin vastaus oli… kyllä.

Uskon, ettei hän välttämättä sitä tarkoittanut. Tai ei vain osannut pukea tunteitaan sanoiksi. Mutta tämä satutti ja todella pahasti.

En todellakaan pidä itseäni jollain yli-ihmisenä tai supervahvana selviytyjänä. Olen aika varma, että kuka tahansa olisi toiminut samalla tavalla ja selättänyt syövän kolmesti jos olisi ollut pakko. Mutta olisin tekopyhä jos väittäisin, etten ole ylpeä tästä kaikesta. Ylpeä ja hiton onnellinen. 

Mun ”in your face” -asenne koskee vain ja ainoastaan syöpää. Totta helvetissä hieron tätä ihanaa elämääni ja terveyttäni sen naamaan! Hahaa, et voittanutkaan mua!

En ymmärrä, miten tämä tarinani ja blogini voi aiheuttaa jollekin paskaa fiilistä. Onkohan tämän henkilön elämässä ongelmia, epävarmuutta tai huomion puutetta, jos minun selviytymistarinani aiheuttaa ahdistusta? Onko kyse kenties kateudesta?

Kun aloitin bloggaamisen, tiesin että tulen kuulemaan myös kritiikkiä. Tiesin, ettei kaikki voi musta tykätä, eikä tarviikaan. Mutta miten tarinani voi loukata muita? Miten se, että avaudun rankoista kokemuksistani ja paljastan elämäni pahimmat pelot, voi olla jonkun mielestä LIIAN KAUNISTA?

Olen pahoillani… ihan kauhean pahoillani, jos blogini tai minun persoonani aiheuttaa jollekin mielipahaa. Anteeksti ja.. hyvästi! Toivottavasti et enää ikinä lue tätä ja siten säästyt huonolta fiilikseltä. 

#sorrynotsorry

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  2. Anna/Niittykukkia
    10.1.2017, 19:58

    Apua miten kauhea kommentti, meni viinan piikkiin tai ei. Eihän tuollaista pitäisi sanoa edes leikillään! Olen lukenut blogiasi melkolailla alusta saakka säännöllisen epäsäännöllisesti, ja musta on ollut ihanaa miten koettelemuksistasi huolimatta (tai juuri niiden vuoksi) jaksat innostua elämästä ja nähdä arjen kauneuden ja positiiviset puolet asioissa. Jos se on liian kaunista, ihmettelen suuresti.

    Mukavaa viikon jatkoa sinne!

    1. Taidat olla oikeassa, minäkään en voisi ikinä sanoa mitään vastaavaa ja toivoa kuolemaa toiselle, olin sitten humalassa tai en…

      Kiitos ihanista sanoista. Ihana kuulla, että olet seurannut blogiani näin pitkään 🙂 Mahtavaa viikkoa myös sinulle! <3

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